The last time I tried, he beat me so badly that I almost lost my life. It amazes me at how his brain works and like to think of it as a mass of short circuited wires that just dont connect to each other. They strike back hard to try to save their own self or credibility. He had to pay several fines and now faces jail. I immediately confronted that thought. In some places in the world this is not possible however and the victim becomes further victimized by the system. 4 Deny them what they want. My question was about not knowing how to hold him accountable when the things he does are small and not police-worthy: blowing up at me over perceived slights, put-downs, emotional distance, not following through on his word, his concerns taking priority, lack of caring and empathy. (Understanding Narcissism.) I married late in life and was only married 1 yr 4 mos when he leftand am still missing him and coming to terms with thisthe guy I married just doesnt seem to exist and whoever he is now doesnt want me in his life or to be in mine. You cringe as you swipe your card to buy a coffee without getting approval from the narcissist first. Be the happy person you were meant to be and fear nothing! She curses in front of parents and kids, belittle me many of times.. 3) You wanted to clean up your credit and had a car repo on it. You cannot decide what they will do and if they ask what you want you need to be ready to say, It appears he is having severe withdrawals and if his medication is not monitored more closely I am concerned about what may result.. Although hes only hit me once and I know that sounds like denial but believe me when I tell you I have made it very clear to him that if he does it again one of us is goin to jail and one of us is goin to the hospital. God is reasonable and fair, and doesnt expect anyone to live a life of torment within a union that lacks peace and love, and causes harm. He will do anything to keep his fear a secret. 1) During your deployments R&R, as I was in the process giving up my job, selling my home, pack, finding a rental home in a new state that I didnt know a soul in. I constantly remind myself of this. He feels I am wronging him by leaving. I was married 19 years and had 4 sons. One day, I will be thinking or doing something other than engaging in the endless hours of preoccupation about another tumultuous display of rage and blame, when he comes to me and finally saysI now understand. The problem is that with the upcoming deployment time is very limited and decisions have to be made. The story above contains the prescription for striking fear in a narcissist by holding up the shining mirror of truth. My sister is a NPD. In our last phone call (a phone call was a rare event) I confronted him with the bad behavior, some of which is aboveall I got for that was this text, which also said that my words have power over him and IM NOT RESPONSIBLE! To shut down a narcissist, you have to be more prepared than . They walk around thinking they look perfect together and embrace the feeling of getting noticed. I am sure you did all you could and I am sorry that you feel so angry and disappointed I hope that understanding and time brings you healing. 7 Cut off all communication. Hi Michelle, I cannot urge you strongly enough to purchase Back From the Looking Glass. Feeling ripped off - if they didn't get a sizeable inheritance. Hi Kim, But with your advice in my mind, I already managed to stop discussions without threatening to leave him. Yet, I hang on to this thing called hope. He knows we will have seperate accounts from this point forward, but I dont think he really believes it. I have been married for 15 years with two kids with my husband. So I have learned that it is best to let true Narcissist alone, especially those that have untreated and unrecognized borderline along with the condition. I said that I would speak for him and get the whole world off his back and all he had to do was be quiet and useful and learn what it was like at home with him not around. My hope and prayer is that this will help others as much as it helped me. Word salads and nonsensical conversations . The promise was that if at some point either of us move on and leave, we need to let the other person know becomes it significant impacts my daughter who loves this man like her own father, and is the only father she has ever really known. Later that day he comes home and tells me what a nice lady she is and he had a good conversation with herwait a minuteshe called him while he was busy at work, misinformed him saying it bounced, he gets all snappy with me and he calls her back all nice with an answer that I providedI feel like he is always the good guy with everyone else, never wants to look bad in front of anyone and yet I know the real him. Matthew and I also go to marriage therapy once a week.this is the therapy that can be super hard, as my husband is such a great liar, charmer, manipulator, etc. 4 Bore them with the "gray rock" treatment. Emotionally it would have felt to me like defeat I couldnt make myself go that road I was shunned enough. I moved to Minnesota to help her because she is 70 now and had rotator cuff surgery. he says I am paranoid and obsessisve and crazy and has no empathy for my feelings. Im still trying to re-do the past with him and I still try to point things out that he said and did and I still try to explain my behaviors to his abusive remarks and all to no avail. Now that I have a voice and he suffers consequences.he is can be harder to deal with. Now we have to devide property, of course I dont deserve anything, I didnt do as I was told, had too much to say for myself, turned everyone against him and so it goes on and on. You told me you did not have your car because your brother needed it for work and could not rent a car because you had no credit card. Ive been aware of his N personality for 10 years & actively working on me instead of trying to change him, for the past 3. I can relate to just about every single one of the writers here except for physical violence. He instantly claimed he did nothing wrong and tried to act like they were against both of us. I actually tried some of the things you noted here, but there was absolutely no reasoning with him. I finally found an article about STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. We have not had a fight or argument for over 6 weeks! And michelle I know just where you are coming from as well. I dont change easily, to say the least, but, I always enjoy what you teach. I work on myself to cope with that . nothing worked. What i do is speak to the child in him at that point. Forever taking and never giving. Sometimes were in love with the image of the person that we admire. You have an amazing insight and Gods wisdom! I wonder if there are any young men out there who have made a relationship work with a NPD young lady I feel with love and support from friends and family there must be a chance, I would appreciate any advice like most people who deal with this personality type as a mother I have been to hell and back, as well as most advice saying basically its my fault shes like this. Whenever we are growing closer, he will try and start a fight about nothing, just to give himself permission to get away and blaming me for it. Perhaps hes just a 2 on the scale of 1-4, but hes still a 2, and it still is very difficult to live with. I have the same questions as TANYA and also wonder where to start, do i say I love you and forgive you and just start? Having spent New Year in a pub on my own I slowly discovered that I need to find out who the hell I am and not accept men to approve what I do I became very insecure with a lot of things that were to follow The silencing that he gave me was unbearable and I slowly realized that I am not to bear my feelings and accept being played to fit his fantasies Months went by and a year into our relationship I started to feel that I was feeling more depressed and felt very insecure about a lot of things that I started to think about suicide as an escape from my reality. Many narcissists lack self-awareness, so they may try to push you to the wall until they find out what they can get away with. He also said we dont have kids, theres no reason to stay together. It is the unhealthy part of their thinking. Holding accountable? I felt I was losing grip on life and sanity and didnt realise his constant insinuations and paranoid comments were pushing me there. I did however make the decision to stay firm and say no to him. He became the most loving partner in life and we got married. He feels no guult and does dent his bisexual lifesyle. I know that dyslexics can overcome their disability by sort of rewiring their brains, and can learn to read and write, but I understand that this is a difficult process that takes some time. Hi Carol Welcome! Of course he lied about what he was up to. I know its not funny, but I know why the sales agent hung up. I know there is a grieving process. Kim reading over all the others complaints only reinforces these type of people do the same thing over and over. Then the row would be about him trying to leave not about the original subject which was over and done with already. The good thing I am glad he finally is looking old so the women will possibly be out of our lives. They complimented you, insisted on your compatibility, and made you feel special. I read and read and readI find myself wishing he would hit me so I would have a definable reason to leave, something our adult children would understand. Instead, refocus on yourself and on rebuilding a better life (not for the narcissist, but for you). Did he just not bond with me and I did with him and that is why this seems harder? He was in the habit of driving completely drunk. If there is anyone who can possibly help us with the legal stuff, we would greatly appreciate it. Its a hard call to make but its your choice. They intercept a forward progress. Thank you for all your supportive emails that inspire me and others. How do I step into a partnership knowing that I realistically do not have a partner? Just one question: How to set a boundary if someone is flirtatious in general but you dont know how far this goes? Well, we choose USA because of the lesser age discrimination at the work place we are both over 50. Sorry I dont have much time tonight please visit the page here , http://www.narcissismcured.com/12_Steps_to_End_the_Fights.html. And talk about the blame. They are perfect for him.his puppets. He resented me for ever requesting counseling or that I expected him to continue to keep his word. If you respect yourself enough to stand up for your own interests this will earn others respect too. The guy Im living with even wrote 2 books and the first one he is actually describing the messiah (him). Everyone loves him.minus his employees. Just what I have found throughout my life. Not sure if hes a narcissist but one thing I do know is he is super nice to everyone else unless they piss him off or what he perceives to be an attack on him from someone usually family/me and he lets strangers/co-workers walk all over him. According to him, I must have been lying to the government and immigration, and even in court called me a bitch. When anything goes wrong i cant even imply it was his fault.
how to hold a narcissist accountable
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