When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' I took the ride. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. 07/12/2015 22:05. I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. The video shows twogayguys(fellow vloggers Jordan Jayro and James Butler) partner with four straight men togive them their first man-to-mansnog. What does it mean for my marriage? Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. 4 days ago. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. Just my opinion. focus on you and your DH. I kissed another man four years ago. (I bet many would not kiss & TELL -as it would only invite chaos in their marraiges). Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. Kissed someone on vakation while drunk, cheating or not? Confesing to your husband was risky. But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. It's not the crime that counts, it's the time. Be the adult here. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name. Need help with your relationship? I can't stop playing it over again and again. I feel so bad since then. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? I wouldn't want him around the person. I was correct, she struggles with trust. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. Jam, your wife holds the cards. But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. You cheated. I feel horrible. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. I also could not fathom if you were ACTUALLY being serious or just having a laugh at her expense..alone in your tracky bottoms in your living room. If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: The first step to a broken loyalty is a first kiss. See what she has to say. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. ;-)) Thank you. I'm 44 years old and I've been dating a 24 year old for 5 months. I am biased and do hold strong views because my XH cheated. I dont know what else to do. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. Hi SoulMate! To be honest, my stomach is sick with the thoughts of the whole thing. I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. But please seperate the issues. The way it happened-not so good! Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. I know true remorse when I see it. What did she say? Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. Either way, I've noted your comments, I've already decided what I am going to do, and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they might be. Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. A number of years ago, while I was still married to my late husband, I befriended a guy who was an ace pianist. I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken. My husband always encouraged me to pursue music, and, when I told him that this guy wanted to give me advanced piano lessons, my husband was in favor of this. That's a long time for kissing. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Relationships are about trust, first and foremost. Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? And Brodie groped James. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. (I wonder why.) So, I reluctantly confessed to getting drunk and kissing my piano teacher. They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. In a way you are trading his peace of mind for yours, do you really think that you will accomplish anything by doing that? female but all of a sudden I feel REALLY angry. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A A guy bought me drinks and he asked me if I wanted to ride his motorcycle to another bar and I did. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. One day, he came over with a bottle of whisky and he had already been drinking. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. Remind her of your good points. My husband went ballistic and said, I just knew something like this was going to happen. JavaScript is disabled. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. The fact he told you very soon after is good. Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. Not Opening Up To You Anymore :-) I mean, *I* don't mind if your relationship continues slowly but surely remaining on the skids, do I. You're the worst! :-). I also agree with SUSIEDQQ that is won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her or her marriage. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. There is more going on. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. Lets get down to the basics here. I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. Please help. Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. I myself have had issues in the past months but I won't elaborate. I believe, on the other hand, that if you got drunk and kissed someone because you were drunk and you had no feelings for the other person, there is no point in confessing about that kiss because a confession could cause trouble over nothing. response. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. drunk, kissing. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A All night I chatted and joked with a group of maybe 10 people, mostly women. [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. I waited for the right time ?? 8=) ) I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. This recently happened to me. If it were me, I would contact her, & let her know that I didn't appreciate her actions. A Good luck. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". My gf went to a house party and got really drunk, and apparently kissed a g My girlfriend got drunk and kissed another guy, 2 months later she got drunk and kissed a girl, HELP. Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent. She may say that. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Don't have an account? It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. Or do I? No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. You have a number of choices in terms of how to deal with what happened. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. "Soz". It was such a weird experience. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! I know, I need to start a thread. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. It's not that big of a deal anyway and you aren't going to do it again. PS: Don't ever drop it, will you. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. There was a lot of biting and groping going on, because, you know, the guys were giving it their best shot. I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. Biological ones. But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. For me i felt guilty for enjoying it so much. The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology, The Power of a Dream: The Customs Inspector, 3 High-Risk Relationship Concerns No Couple Should Ignore, Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry, Protecting the Innocent: The Cognitive Context of Guilt, How to Deal with Breakup Guilt in a Healthy Way. But I can't leave my job. Well, then, let me enlighten you. Here are the frightening ways to know that he gave another girl a kiss ; 1. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. 5. After he gave me a drink we started kissing and I felt terrible.He then asked me to sleep with him. When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. Take it away, expand if you please! Shes Colombian and very fiery. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! :p in my opinion I don't see why you would feel guilty you did nothing . Wow, you really do want a baby, don't you. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. You were no exception. Past is something you cannot change. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs. SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. His imagination could go haywire over that one. ;-)). I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. By clicking 'Submit' or otherwise submitting this form you agree to the, By entering this site you declare Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. I dont believe in innocent kiss. :(. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. 15 votes, 25 comments. Lol If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. This one by far has lasted the longest. find me on and follow me on. You can't fake that . - GET THE FUCK OUT. Other way around. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). Ive told her Im sorry, I wont let it happen again and Im sorry for being dishonest. It happened two days ago. So what do you think? Most people would never confess that's the reality. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again.
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